A marriage is the legally or formally recognised union of (usually) two people. This socially recognised union establishes rights and obligations between the spouses, as well as any biological or adopted children and affinity. Numerous marriage customs exist throughout Nirn. These customs vary considerably between the lands and major faiths, i.e. followers of Daedric Princes, Altmeri-rooted religions, old gods, etc. All appear to be religious ceremonies between two people of either gender (who should not be more closely related than first cousins), involving the exchange of vows in the presence of particular sacred witnesses e.g. a priest (for the Faith of the Eight and other Altmeri-rooted religions), or a sacred Gildergreen (for the old gods). The wedding is followed by a feast, where the bride/s and groom/s eat and drink with everyone. Afterwards, the bedding takes place, where the marriage is consummated.
History[]
In the Ayleid Empire it had been custom among the high nobility to marry brother to sister, or, if that was not possible, an uncle to a niece, or an aunt to a nephew. The Ayleids had their own religious ceremonies, though a priest does not seem to be a necessity here, as Alyssare Arana was capable of officiating a wedding performed per this Ayleid ceremony. Following Aerel's Invasion, House Arana continued their incestuous marriage customs, even though the Church of Alaxon, the main faith on the archipelago, saw incest as a vile sin. This resulted in an uprising by the Church, which occurred during the reign of King Daethen I Arana.
Betrothals[]
Most betrothals among feudal nobility are to ally with another family, not for love; such marriages of convenience are also common among the middle class and peasants. Betrothals and marriages can also be part of a pledge of support in a war or other conflict.
The head of House is expected to arrange matches for his or her children and any unwed younger siblings. Although a lord cannot force the marriage if their dependent refuses to say the vows, this would carry serious consequences for personal relationships as well as their general honour. While lords do not necessarily arrange marriages for their vassals or household knights, they would be wise to consult him/her and respect their feelings when arranging their own matches. Betrothals can be made at a large variety of ages. Children might be as young as two years old, though generally betrothals are made when the people involved are somewhat older. Eleven is considered a more normal age for a betrothal (or fourteen for elves), though when severe political matters are involved, children might be younger.
Betrothals can be broken. However, this can have serious consequences. When a betrothal is broken, it is not uncommon for the partner House in the betrothal to raise in rebellion, or to switch sides in a war.
If a noble who has been betrothed dies before a political marriage can occur, a sibling or heir may take their place.
Though dowries in High Rock, Cyrodiil, Hammerfell, and the Summerset Archipelago are paid by the family of the bride/groom who's children will not inherit their name (the groom's family for matrilineal marriages, or the bride's family for patrilineal marriages), in other regions of Tamriel such as Skyrim this might not be the common practice, where instead a dowry is payed by the family that desires the match or proposed it.
Marriage[]
Age at Marriage[]
Just as men and women can be betrothed at a large variety of ages, they can also be wed at a large variety of ages, which might depend on the necessity of an heir, or the political environment. While marriages to girls who have not yet reached their majority or even their first flowering have happened, they are rare. Moreover, bedding these girls before they are at the least flowered is seen as perverse. Generally, weddings are postponed until the girl has passed into maidenhood with her flowering (i.e., has had her first menstruation). Most highborn girls have their first menstruation at the age of twelve or thirteen. It is not uncommon for a girl to be married after she has had her first menstruation, or within the first year following her first flowering. Usually weddings are postponed until the bride is even older, closer to her majority (i.e., the age of sixteen, or eighteen for elves) or even beyond. Nonetheless, infants have been married, though this is very rare. Marriages when the bride or groom is under the age of puberty are not consummated, though the bride and groom may ceremonially share a bed on the wedding night. If a bride is under the age of majority, many husbands will wait until she is fifteen or sixteen before sleeping with her, to avoid the deaths in childbirth that sapiarchs have recorded for very young mothers.
Wedding Ceremony[]
In Tamriel, the wedding ceremony is a religious ceremony. The bride and groom's closest kin, or the person standing in their place (usually parents or whoever else is closest to living kin), will escort them to their future spouse and those presiding over the marriage. Thus far, all the wedding gowns that have thus far been described have been a shade of white.
In case of the Church of Alaxon, a curate presides over the ceremony, which involves prayers, vows, and singing, and takes place in a chantry or temple. The bride and groom wear a cloak in the colours of their House, the cloak of the spouse who's children will not inherit their name is called a "maiden's cloak", and the cloak of the spouse who's children will inherit their name is called a "bride's cloak or husband's cloak". The kin standing in for the spouse who's children are not to inherit their name, or the person standing in their place, is to remove the cloak from their shoulders, so that their spouse can place a cloak of their own House colours about their shoulders. This signifies the spouse passing from their family's protection into their spouse's protection. The bride and groom speak the words “With this kiss I pledge my love”, potentially followed with an additional “… and take you for my lord and husband” and “…and take you for my lady and wife” by the bride and groom respectively, after which the septon will declare them to be man and wife, stating they are “one flesh, one heart, one soul, now and forever”.
For those who follow the old gods, ceremonies are significantly shorter, and contain no priests. The bride and groom are escorted to their future spouse by a close kin, and they meet each other (ideally) in front of a Gildergreen tree and a ceremonial conversation follows, where the identity of the bride, of the groom, and of the people giving them both away are established. The groom/bride are asked to accept their husband/wife, and upon their agreement (“I take this man/woman”), bride and groom join hands, kneel before the Gildergreen, and bow their heads in token of submission. When they rise following a moment of silent prayer, the groom removes the maiden’s cloak, and places the bride’s cloak around her shoulders (or husband's cloak if it is a matrilinial marriage), after which he will carry her to the feast in his arms.
It is considered to be ill luck to refuse a knight hospitality on your wedding day. Tourneys might be held to celebrate a wedding. It is not customary to have melees at a wedding, but there have been several historical exceptions.
Among the orcs, weddings occur beneath the open sky. The ceremony might last the entire day, during which the guests feast, drink, dance, and fight. A wedding without at least several deaths is seen as a dull afair. Towards the end of the ceremony, the bride is presented with her bride gifts. The bride will be presented with a gift from each of her husbands guardsmen, which she is to decline and give to her husband instead. Following the receiving of the gifts, the chief and bride will consumate their marriage. During the days of Orsinium, it was customary among some orc clans for the chief to present his new briede to the high priest of Malacath in Orsinium following the wedding.
Consummation[]
Following the feast, the bedding takes place. The bride and groom are escorted from the feast to their chambers by the guests, who will undress them upon arriving at the chambers. Usually, once the bride and groom are in the nude they are left alone. Nonetheless, in some cases, witnesses might be present for the bedding, though it is unknown how far this witness duty goes.
Both women and men are generally expected to be virgins on their first wedding night. After some weddings, the bedsheets are displayed to show the blood, thereby proving the breaking of the bride’s maidenhead and thus her virginity at her wedding night. However, since it is known that horse riding can break a girl’s maidenhead, few families are insistent on physical proof. Furthermore, since bloody sheets only prove the woman's virginity, rules are generally more lax for the groom in proving his.
Even though it is rare for a marriage to occur before the bride has had her first flowering, or before a groom's voice has deepened, they do sometimes occur. However, it is considered to be perverse to bed a bride or groom who is so young. Nonetheless, it is considered to be bad luck for the marriage if the groom sleeps apart from his bride on their wedding night.
Legality, Divorce, and Annulment[]
Vows said at swordpoint are not held to be valid, and in theory, a person cannot be declared to be married if they refuse to say the vows. However, there can still be issues of consent even if vows are spoken willingly. Marriages may be conducted between children or babies. Even if the marriage occurred under force, a lord might claim the marriage to be legal if lands are at stake.
In the old religion of Morrowind under the Tribunal, it was possible for someone to be married by proxy, without their consent and without saying the vows for oneself. However, as such a marriage had thus not been consummated, it could easily be set aside again.
Divorce in Tamriel is not common. Instead, spouses might decide to live separately.
However, marriages in Tamriel can be ended in several ways. A monarch is generally able to put their spouse aside—even if they have provided them with children—and marry another. In the Faith of the Eight (and other Altmeri-rooted religions), a marriage that has not been consummated can be set aside by the Emperor (or High Aldarch in the Summerset Archipelago). Even a marriage that has been consummated can be set aside, even a marriage of many years with children. Neither bride nor groom needs to be present for an annulment; however, it must be requested by at least one of the wedded pair.
Another way of ending a marriage is by having the bride join a nunnery. Similarly, when a man joins a monastic order, his marriage is over.
Polygamy[]
While most marriages are between only one pair of individuals, polygamous marriages do occur in the known world.
In the times before the Altmer came to mainland Tamriel, King X, King of X, had multiple wives. Though not a common practice, the old tribal Khajiiti chiefs of Elsweyr sometimes took multiple spouses.
While Redguard nobles may take only one "true wife" or "true husband", with whom they have trueborn children, they are allowed to take multiple paramours which often fulfil the purpose of a wife/husband in other matters. Children fathered on concubines are still considered to be bastards, and may even inherit if there are no heirs by a noble's true wife/husband (under which circumstance they are typically legitimised).
Orc chiefs of orc strongholds will take several wives over his life. It is unknown if there is a limit on the number of wives a chief may hold, though there have been several accounts of chiefs with upwards of ten wives.
Quotes[]
Love? What has that to do with marriage? A lord should know better.
—X to X